It happened again, I got hitched to another queer person at a same sex marriage ban protest. Ok maybe that makes me promiscuous - I doubt it though, its all good fun until you're Elizabeth Taylor. The protest went well, I was at the front with the banner, but while it was a lot of fun, maybe it was a little bit sad as well, being alone and all the talk of marriage can make me think good for them, rather than good for me, my thoughts not of marriage but rather survival. So my active resistance to assimilation and trans-bossing means that I'm doing as much as I think I can to protect my rights as a tinority (smaller than a minority) and as an individual by maintaining http://milishamagazine.com.

<Sigh>, <pout> Takes in a little more oxygen...

I will find out soon about the position as editor of Grok, fingers are crossed. I'm also going to be doing research into other publishing options for Milisha, the third issue and second issue joint release is planned for the first day of semester 2010, in fact I might release all three.. If I can get them into a decently priced print schedule. So yes this one time want to be alien drifter/hitchiker, is getting it together and putting it on paper, probably gloss, rather than matted and maybe it won't be so bad after all - as the editor you've longed for.

Now if I can stay vegan, in other words if I can avoid going to any public functions, I think I'll feel better as well. It's been a real trick lately, after moving house, and with all the stress of exams and money I owe, I think its like smoking, its just...addictive and you don't even know why you're doing it. Ok - its to fight depression, but it fails and makes it worse. When I say cheating, its still definitely a mostly vegan diet, a bit of skim milk in a bag of chips, egg in a fried rice while eating out, its just easier to eat than not eat, a slice of cheese in a sandwich - I can see it all get progressively worse if I don't stop it. It's only been this year that I've lost willpower, weakened because I've been living with non vegetarians, which makes the whole action a little bit mundane and seems pointless. But 2010 I'm sure is a return to positive living in my new house and organic garden.

I think I've still not had a drink (except for like a 1 month period) for about 3 years now. Still I manage to spend all my money...I guess I have something to show for it though, I am hoping my part time jobs in 2010 are going tohelp with the financial strain I've been feeling this year, it isn't easy fighting off depression and giving up half your income to landlords. Either way, 2010 is touted as a good year. Being November and all, I guess I have a few blues.

There are just 2 exams between me and the end of the year!  Then its time to get started on my summer job.  Its actually pretty exciting, I'm starting my own businesses meaning I will ante up against the world I tend to criticise more than I praise.    What kind of enterprising racket  could I possibly start?  Well, vegans need jobs, so I'm helping created vegan friendly jobs, which include making T-shirts and accessories for sale in various places, like Ebay, growing herbs in pots for sale at market or by order.  I'm offering my services in the Swedish massage industry, picking up clients after exams should be easy.

There are other projects as well, but you get the jist of it.  I hope to expand the business eventually, to help people who are vegan find jobs that they actually enjoy - I mean I've had a heap of problems, working as a waitress and serving up dead cow, chicken, calf, duck, kangaroo, emu,  turkey, pig - I think it is a bit of a contradiction, serving up death to the public when you're secretly fighting against it.  Stress much ?

This is a summer long project, crossing fingers for an optimal result, I think people support it, its going to be really good for the local community, its more for young people, loking for part time work or a hobby - A chance to make money without being implemented in murders, tortures, kidnapping, cruelty, mutation and depravity.  Sounds good to me. 

Am I talking about zombies?  or am I talking about emotions?  I'd like to think was talking about zombies, given the proximity to the actual parade.  I have every hope of being able face the reality of the undead, first choice obviously is to avoid them, one bite and thats it, brain cravings for the rest of your life... But the other thing, which I AM talking about, is oppression, which I'll be marching against tonight and tomorrow (if all goes according to plan).  It is a delicate line between facing the ordeal and ignoring it with all the glitter of 'my so called life'.  I'm free, more than ever, I've been rewarded for my hard work.  But still I feel anxious about the future, is it the missed opportunities, or is it the weight of the worlds, pushing me down, running me into the ground, like the vanguard of borgeois bohemia!  I am made to crawl, as if from the wreckage of my dreams, almost beyond waking, wondering what am I doing here, asking... is it ok to be here... can I ever walk away?

Its have been a whiles.  .oO .oO 

I am almost finished at University for the semester, I've been through some pretty rough stuff.  Dealing with it has been a bit of a trauma actually.  I have some symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder, which is what Jack and Tyler Durden shared together - a wonderful experience.  I'm thinking about consensual worlds and I dig them - I'm having a very positive time working @ various places, some for money, but I've been rewarded for my efforts.  I guess there has been a bit of a heart break going on silently for a long time, being alone in a place which I'm constantly pitching to for acceptance.  It would be easier if I belonged, and I wonder is this really consensual?  I really feel that I have been left alone in a very cruel situation - I am atempting to accept the consequences of being what I am - A sad face. :(

I am not sure where we're headed (yes we've managed to acquire a panacea through my stories, comics and paintings).  Milisha Magazine has just gone online @ http://milishamagazine.com if you want to support it click on the adds, which has been a project of mine for some time, I had hoped for a little more involvement, but sadly I've done most of it on my own.  Raw foods in bounty is my current policy or vegan variation, fantastic sprouting and dehydrating and juicing and blending makes for some pretty healthy living.  So I'm just tending to my things, with love and thats the most important thing - is to have a bit of love in your life, even if its for your vegan bunny.

The end of semester will be very much welcomed - I've been decanting hopelessly my motivations without much success.  I still have many of the same social issues, as much as I try or have tried.  The psychologist could probably be revived when semester is over.  I don't have any plans and I don't think I'm going to make any - the moment is fine. 

PS. sweeping a person off their feet does not involve amputating at the ankles.(true and grim tales from Android not Human - Stupid Human Master manual #2)

It's been a while since I've written, and its because I've been blogging elsewhere about stuff which isn't really personal, but maybe relevant to my so called life and futures.  A part of me has died a little death, which reminds of Paul Atreides from Dune, something I never did quite finish...  the little death is cold, it touches you like a stranger, something which you can feel, something you know and then it leaves you, it lingers and touches you sincerely but coldly, so close but still a stranger, but then its over, and you realise there are somethings you cannot control.

I'm not particularly upset by the world, I don't really have a choice - I don't have anyone to turn to, no matter how much of your lives I peer into, I'm just a little different, a lot different.  I don't fit and its not because I don't want to - I want to be, I want to exist, but somehow this life has more challenges than honesty.  I get the feeling I've lost the nerve to stand up for myself, I don't understand why I should fight for something which is already stolen, taken away from me.  As if I'm asked to conform or die, but I can't conform, I really don't know what normal is, does anyone?

It's not so much emotional, but theraputic, I've got a lot to take in, what am I witnessing?  What is wasting my life, and why is it killing me?  What did I ever do but dream of a life seperate from this calamity of mistreatment, deception, and ilrepute.  I guess we have our heroes which protect us, even when we don't believe in them terribly, what happens when heroes lose to the monsters which lurk under beds?  Which pray on weakness - I'm losing love, I'm bleeding it.

What I want to say is plain - I think I've given out, as a hostage in a terrifying production of someone else's needs - I've caved, I've felt, I've really made what I can of it, but in the end what I get back is salt.  I've confessed to an impossible love story which breaches my cover, my disguise, to be as I am, a prisoner to the demands of any romance from here onwards.  I've waited, I grew and still it is just as empty as the alien dreams, filled with post modern thought.  I discovered that maybe somethings are better off in my head, in books, a fantasy, because I'm a fantasy, a make believe kind of person, I'm asking for that.  The truth is sometimes disheartening, and I'm hurting the future with mine, that I feel, that I want, that I love, but in this world, I'm no better treated than animals which get tested on, unaware of your needs (for my suffering), believe me I don't understand.

I guess I'm making myself worse, it seems to be the only real answer - I should give up on love and sexuality (maybe its just my mood) and focus on something more relevant like breathing.  What I feel is secret, its personal and its private, its protection and its somewhere else, not with me, I'm stranded in between, I'm not a wreck, I wish I could disown the hate, I wish I could apologise, but like everything else it seems too little, too late.

Peel

A few of the old reminders
A cough or two of doubt
Are windows into strange fruit.
Peeking segments, a flash
Colourful adlutered humour,
Memories, flavour taste and tongue
Acidic fragments of childhood
Swallow the cheek and spit
Are free blind mice
Charismatic election dupes
Made ajar of choices
Between Marmelaide and Jam,
A hip ghast, a waste of mine,
Poor poor people, see only rind.

I've finished Stargate Atlantis and I'm not surprised they ended up somewhere we're all familiar.  I'm not about to ruin the ending.  Where to from here?  Forward to more science fiction or perhaps back to reality, entering the real world of death and taxes?  I don't pay taxes I don't earn enough money - I don't believe in money either.  I'm thinking the Tin Man might be interesting - Dorothy and her little dog Toto will be epic I'm sure.  For now though, let's take a moment to remember some of our favourite Stargate Atlantis Moments.

Wasn't that fantastic!

China is actually an advanaced super nation - it is both intuitive and in communication with a wave of extra-terrestials which may also be Chinese (there are a lot of Chinese people). The images are obviously real, the reasoning of the visitors are the mystery - Do they want a meal on their way to another nebula? Maybe, Chinese takeway is some of the best stuff around, I'd go for some dumplings and noodles, over a Big Mac - The question is, what other demands are they making?

Seriously - the way to an alien's heart is not through their chest (autopsy), but through their stomachs! Indian food is good - it's vegetarian mainly...Some dhal pakoras and a few bollywood DVD's anyone?

Kanye West reinvents the word “gay,” appreciates rainbows

Jump to Comments - From http://stuffqueerpeopleneedtoknow.wordpress.com/2009/02/22/kanye-west-reinvents-the-word-gay-appreciates-rainbows/

 

I was reading Radical Queer News and came across an article from Pink News that explains how Kanye West, hip-hop star and that guy that told former President Bush that he “hates black people,” is trying to reinvent the word “gay.” Warning: When reading the following direct quotations, hilarity may ensue.

Kanye said “that the term will be used in future as synonymous with fashionable and stylish.

“Speaking in an interview with Details, West said:

‘I like to embody titles or words that have negative connotations and explain why that’s good. Take the word gay. Like, in hip-hop, that’s a negative thing, right? But in the past two, three years, all the gay people I’ve encountered have been, like, really, really, extremely dope. I haven’t gone to a gay bar, nor do I ever plan to. But where I would talk to a gay person, the conversation would be mostly around art or design, it’d be really dope. 

‘From a design standpoint, kids’ll say, “Dude, those pants are gay.” But if it’s good, good, good fashion-level, design-level stuff, where it’s on a higher level than the average commercial design stuff, it’s gay people that do that. I think that should be said as a compliment. Like,”‘Dude, that’s so good it’s almost gay.”‘

West has talked about his perception of gay men as fashion icons in the past, drawing speculation over his sexuality. He said in a statement: ‘Stereotypically gay people got such good [style] … they were smart enough to take a fresh-ass logo like the rainbow and say that it’s gonna be theirs.’”

You just let that all sink in. 

And while I thank Kanye for his support and enthusiasm for the queer community, I don’t exactly think he will help the cause. I mean drawing on stereotypes that gays are snappy dressers, artists and designers isn’t exactly constructive, and his affinity for the rainbow is just plain hilarious.

But I suppose it could be worse: He could be saying negative things about queers, or maybe former President Bush could speak out on our behalf.

From reading some of the entries at http://www.stevefielding.com.au/blog/comments/should_we_tax_students/, there are issues that students have with their guilds, particularly their own lack of input - They say they are paying for services which they do not need - that means the problem really is where and how the money is being spent, are you conceding that the unions have a stranglehold over our campuses - the issue then is how the money is being spent, not that there is money to assist students.

In terms of the payment being unnecessary for many students - at university if you study Physics, then you shouldn’t need to pay the Language teachers.  Without Language teachers, there are no Universities and thus no Physics teachers.  You are supporting an entire institution and the fee structure should reflect this.  Without some students, the nature of university changes and education may become increasingly unattainable.  Since we are part of a whole, we need consider that our own non participation affects others. We should be allowed a vote, a democratic voice in a democracy - rather than abstaining as Voluntary Student Unionism permits, we need to participate in the democratic process of our Universities - if not, then you’re not opposing the so called socialist left wing - you’re ignoring the democratic process. You’re voting and evaluating the need for a student services fee, not whether or not you personally need it.

According to your theories, I should not pay taxes, I am not the Prime Minister of Australia and do not therefore need accommodation at the lodge.  I am also not a pensioner, or a native Australian or a single mother - let’s move on from democracy, it obviously doesn’t realise I need a new Ferrari.  Somehow we create sanctions for those who need it and will potentially need assistance; it is how our society develops and advances human rights.

I am a student though…can I get a break? Essential student services like employment services, help with accommodation, student poverty including financial assistance are problems anyone can face - your exemption and lack of requirement is fortune - not every Australian can say the same, I’m one of them.